Our younger two children will always and forever have a road not taken. And that’s confusing.

It’s not that I didn’t want our fourth. I just wanted to know that my husband and I weren’t the only ones who thought 4 > 3

After all, it was true. Whatever our hearts said, whatever we’d been through, we were not legally their parents. And when it comes to paperwork, legality is the whole point.

Dread comes barreling into the world right alongside our babies, hand in hand with joy, trepidation, and shock. 

She loves her brothers with the entirety of her heart. She would rather fight with them over Legos than take epic vacations. She would fling herself to the sidewalk for them.

I refuse to hold onto things for sentimental value. The exception? Any – any – stuffed animal my children have ever loved.

If I squinched up my eyes and tilted my head and really looked at my unshiny life, I could sort of see… glimmering?